Some men are wondering how come polite and sweet guys always end up not meeting enough hot prospects on online dating sites. Given your decent profile description, no one seems to be interested. Meanwhile another guy’s profile presents himself as a “jerk” but is surprisingly attracting women. Now more than ever, you wonder if being a jerk is the new normal and that you need to bury six feet deep the chivalrous personality you were born with. Before you feel overwhelmed with jealousy, let us first analyze if that idea of yours is even practical and wise to even consider.
True, women are strangely attracted to the excitement jerks seem to offer on the table, to which jerks have already perfected. For sure, what you want to know is what makes jerks, jerks! Counting the reasons, we have the following:
Once upon a time, they were heartbroken
Guys who are presenting themselves as commitment phobic were, indeed, burned badly in the past. Men are human too, with a heart that loves deeply; it’s just impossible that they were born stone-hearted to begin with. Just like women who find it hard to trust men because they got hurt too many times already, men also experience the same thing. But unlike women, men find it hard to accept rejection enough to allow themselves to love freely again. So the toughness that you and some women see in a jerk is actually a form of defense mechanism; something they felt they needed to do in order to not fall in too deep with a woman, especially the one they really like.
Too cautious or too insecure?
Well, you can say both. Experts agree that cautious men (or women) are psychologically insecure. So what if he got hurt before, a good thing can come out of it if he decides to. Apart from that, men who were bullied when they were younger managed to move past that part of their lives by portraying a tough image. If he successfully gets away with bullying in later life don’t expect him to let his guard down anytime soon. He knows that bullying can also be experienced in a manipulative relationship, for which some women are guilty of. That said, who can blame the guy?
Aloof but adventurous
Yes, because they seem to keep their emotional “distance” they are able to freely enjoy women’s company without the need to commit or engage emotionally. Good for them that like-minded women find this attractive, the sense of adventure, at least. True, women that fall for guys like these say that the “unpredictability” keeps them up and about. But what they don’t realize is that the only reason these guys are unpredictable is because they planned to not have a plan at all – and the same holds true in his relationships. No plan to keep his words, no plan to make a woman feel special, no plan to move a connection to a new level, no plan to be sensitive to anyone around him . . . No plan at all! So what does that make of the woman that is hopelessly attracted to this kind of guy? Go figure.
Talk about low self-esteem
This is, of course, referring to the women that are constantly attracted to jerks. Just think about it, he-jerks attract she-jerk quite obviously; like-minded individuals go well together. Sometimes, you try to blow your brains out trying to understand this (especially when these women are gorgeous and sexy) when you only need to know is if a woman is smart and emotionally secure then why would she succumb herself to a life of emotional pain and deception? Isn’t it that the answer to that question sends you back to the universal truth that these women have low self-esteem? More than that, these women feel that “changing” the jerks to be a better person is their mission in life when what they really need to fix first is their own low self-esteem.
As you see, there is really no reason to be envious of the jerks. If they are attracting the girls, keep in mind that these are neither the kind of girls that you want nor are worth of your long term commitment. The right kinds of women are not where the wrong kinds are; that means you only have to look elsewhere. Not all women are the same, at least with their thinking and disposition in life so don’t think that just because a jerk seem to have a different arm candies week after week that that is a good reason to feel jealous, enough for you to decide to change who you truly are. Trust your instincts, you’re not missing anything! And even if you went on from being a sweet guy to a jerk, except maybe for the sex, you’ll just end up frustrated and regretful to be with the wrong kinds of women.